Your essential guide to not getting murdered in a quaint English village, where danger lurks around each cobblestoned corner and every bite of scone or sip of tea may be your last.

If you insist on visiting, do yourself a favour and bring along a copy of this guide book. It may just keep you alive

Brought to life with dozens of Edward Gorey-esque drawings and peppered with allusions to classic crime fiction, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to stay alive.

Repeat after us: don’t look in the pond, keep away from the maze and never trust the vicar.

Good luck. You’re going to need it.